I know you (whoever you are) don't know hardly anything about me, so this may be out of the blue, but I have a few things to confess. First of all: I'm broken. I have been dealing with depression off and on since I was about 16 (I'm almost 20 now). Many people are surprised to hear that because I seem so optimistic, friendly, and outgoing. Don't get me wrong, I am friendly and try to be fairly optimistic, but sometimes I just feel unwanted. Unloved. Unneeded. Under a dark cloud that rains doubts, fears, and worries on me non-stop. I've also dealt with anxiety, which is SO much fun in combination with depression. (I'm kidding, and the image sums up what I want to say about that much better than I can)
Third thing: I struggle with feelings of not belonging/not being understood fully. I've always felt different. Different from everyone. I feel like I belong in the UK, while I live in the USA. There are things that I do that sometimes don't even make sense to me. Like wear a certain necklace I have to bed because it reminds me of part of what makes me, me, for some reason. (That'll be a later post.) I feel out of place at home, where my mom says I do belong. I feel out of place in school, most of my friends are older than me, but I feel like I perfectly belong with them. I feel like I'm in my mid 30's instead of just about to enter my 20's. I mean, I've never gotten drunk, I don't do drugs, I don't listen to popular music, I don't even party. Some people have called me an old soul, and after I did some research, I think they're right. (Here's a link to an article with more info: https://lonerwolf.com/9-signs-youre-an-old-soul/) I don't feel like anyone really gets me, either. I mean sure, you may say everyone feels that way, but I do especially. I don't even feel like I belong on this planet. Last thing I'll confess for now: When people argue with me, once I say my final point, I'm pretty much done talking with you. I find that it's better (and smarter) to stay silent than to keep going and possibly risk being angry at the end. So I'll try to be kind, but firm in my points, and once I'm done, I'm done. Anyway, that's just about all I wanted to say today. Hope you learned something new about me! -Kyta The following is a poem I wrote. I've been hurt many times, by friends, by people I don't know, and even by myself. It's important to forgive because you don't know what will come, and you never know when goodbye will be followed by forever. I call this poem "Forgiving a Friend". I am feeling hurt.
You are making fun of me. The world is pulling me down. The world is cheering you on. You are backing away from me. I am alone with my pain. I am depressed. You are locking me in chains. The world is ignoring me. The world is thanking you. You are starting to feel bad. I am staring at a blank wall. I am surprised to see your arm reach out to me. You are unlocking the chains. The world is shocked. The world is making fun of you. You are helping me up and saying sorry. I am freed and I forgive you. |
AuthorI am KytaFreesky. Archives
February 2018
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